The Oscars Post I Promised

All in all, I have to say I was not impressed by celebs' gowns at this year's Oscars.

Renee Zellweger looked...sadly disheveled.



I really liked Hilary Swank's and Penelope Cruz's dresses: I guess you can't go wrong with black and feathers!


Ellen Page looked absolutely beautiful and youthful, but her dress made her look as broad-shouldered as a linebacker, and we all know that she's certainly NOT.


And to be true to my own self, as the saying goes, I just have to include a little "drool-worthy" section:

Josh Brolin - I never really thought he was good-looking until I saw No Country, but now I am officially jealous of Diane Lane (like I wasn't already for her roles in Unfaithful and Under the Tuscan Sun).


And Javier Bardem...mmm. Let's just leave that topic alone now -- gotta keep it PG here.


Marion Cotillard's fish-like dress was certainly interesting, but her acceptance speech was sweetly endearing.

Oscars!!

Okay, so I've never watched the Oscars before last night. I never used to be into formal wear until relatively recently, so I didn't really think it was interesting. But this year, I thought I'd be a good little fashionista and watch them, and comment on the hits and misses of the night for you, my adoring public (Population: 0, probably. It's okay, I still love you anyway). In general, the Oscars were a lot more interesting and entertaining than I thought they'd be, but that's probably partly due to Ellen Degeneres being a superb host. She probably got the most laughs out of the Oscar audience that I've ever seen.


On the red carpet, the first person I saw was Leonardo DiCaprio. I thought he looked absolutely gorgeous in his Armani tuxedo, and I finally, finally see what everyone else saw in him way back in the days of Titanic and Romeo + Juliet. I used to think he was hideous back then, but now that he looks like a man...well, let's just say that this is a Leo that I wouldn't mind seeing more of. On another note, why wasn't Blood Diamond nominated for Best Picture? I was thoroughly confused about that. Drop some science if you've got any idea, cuz I sure as hell don't.

Cate Blanchett was the next to catch my eye. What can I say about her? She's absolutely stunning. This gorgeous gunmetal gray Armani Prive gown makes her look like an otherworldly creature. I usually love her dress choices, so I wasn't surprised that she aced this red carpet look. She definitely gets the Frock Yeah! award for the night, hands down. Apparently in her next movie she'll be playing Bob Dylan. Can't wait to see what she looks like as a man.


Seeing Nicole Kidman with Naomi Watts was hilarious -- Nicole looked like a giant next to her fellow Aussie and friend Naomi. Nicole's gorgeous red Balenciaga gown gave her the perfect amount of drama that a movie star should have, and it looked just as nice, if not more so, from the back. When she came out to present with Daniel Craig (who, by the way, looked like a plank of wood. Does he have any expressions?), she was the picture of glamour. Naomi, on the other hand...not so much. Maybe it's just me being prejudiced against yellow, but I just couldn't get with it.


Lately, Andre Leon Talley has taken Jennifer Hudson under his wing and has been acting as her stylist. He's done such a great job lately, but when I saw her Oscars outfit, my jaw dropped. Not in a good way. At first, I was incredibly disappointed. I thought the cropped silver leather jacket was way, way too much, but the dress and shoes were too plain. As I got used to it, however, the outfit wasn't as jarring as I initially thought. I will say that this outfit wasn't as great as the ones she's been wearing lately, but it wasn't awful either. She took a major fashion risk, and I'll say that it wasn't executed perfectly, but not too badly at all. She deserves two snaps for having the guts to wear that outfit. One more thing: What do you guys think about dresses with pockets? I'm not too sure about them...

It seems that Beyonce decided to leave her alter ego Sasha at home for the Oscars. This light green Armani dress is a HUGE improvement over the over-the-top gold dress that "Sasha" wore to the Golden Globes. I'm scared of Sasha. She looks like she eats bitches like me for breakfast.


Penelope Cruz was nominated for her role in Volver, the latest Pedro Almodovar movie in which she wore a prosthetic butt. I can’t even picture that without laughing, but apparently it was convincing. Maybe the ticket to becoming a star as an actress is prosthetics – think of Charlize Theron in Monster, Helen Mirren’s extensive makeup in The Queen (she won Best Actress!)… But I digress. Penelope’s earrings were gorgeous, but I found her peach colored Versace dress to be a little too…much. The exaggerated skirt really killed it for me. I think that if it had been reined in just a teensy bit more, it could have been beautiful, but left the way it was, it was just overwhelming.

Can I just say that Helen Mirren seems like the sweetest lady ever? I loved the pre-show interview she had with Barbara Walters. Her Christian Lacroix dress was my second favorite of the night. The sleeve and bodice gave the dress just the right amount of sparkle, without making her look like a walking disco ball like a lot of actresses often do.


I was absolutely shocked by Patricia Field’s vibrant red hair and red dress, but I think she pulled it off, and we all know what a great job she did as the costume designer for DWP.

Emily wore a glittering blue gown by Francisco Costa for Calvin Klein, while Anne shone in a white Valentino dress.


Apparently J-Lo's husband, Marc Anthony, picked out this Marchesa dress for her. Um...I don't think she should let him pick out her clothes anymore. It's not that the dress was ugly -- on the contrary, it's very pretty. It's more that it was really not flattering on her body. Paired with her hairstyle, the dress made her look at least 10 years older than she actually is. Pay attention, everyone -- this is what happens when you take fashion advice from someone who looks like an extra from Night of the Living Dead. And I used to love Marc Anthony too. *sigh*


I think the Valentino dress Cameron picked was better than the other dresses she’s chosen recently, but the more I looked at it, the uglier I thought it was. The collar reminded me of what it looks like when someone’s halfway through making a paper swan. Except this person crumpled it up and kicked it across the room. Moving on, Cameron’s hair isn’t black anymore, which was surprising. I thought she looked beautiful with black hair, but her new brown shade looks good and worked better with the dress than blond hair would have done.

Supposedly she and Djimon Hounsou of Blood Diamond and Amistad fame were seen canoodling in some club recently. What a random couple. But hey, whatever floats your boat. Not much to say about his outfit selection except that his glasses were hideous.


Eddie Murphy, fresh off of his movie Norbit (which my friend swears up and down was funny. I don’t know about all that…), showed up at the Oscars with Tracey Edmonds, Babyface’s ex-wife. I don’t even know what to think about all that. Apparently Eddie was surprised that he didn’t win for his role in Dreamgirls. I say he needs to take some reality pills. Even though he was great in the role, there was no WAY he was going to beat everyone else in the category. Keep dreaming, sweetie. Anyway, I adored the futuristic look of Tracey’s dress, though I could have done without that massive gem in the middle. Eddie kind of looked nondescript next to her. His suit was kind of blah, but maybe that was planned so that Tracey’s dress could shine. I’ll give them the benefit of the doubt.

Lisa Ling was one of the red carpet presenters along with Chris Connell and Andre Leon Talley. Now, I thought it was really smart of her to wear a black dress. From the waist up, it’s subtly pretty but not too overpowering so that the viewers can focus on what the celebrities were wearing. However, once I saw a full shot of her dress, I was just…confused. What is up with the short front hem with a long train? I remember Demi Moore’s extreme version way back when, and I’ve been seeing a lot of dresses that have this look. Honestly, I hate it. I don’t think it looks good on anyone. Designers, I’d appreciate it if you’d please stop trying to make this look work, because you’re all failing. You’re making everyone look bad.


Sometimes it really hits you that stars don’t always look bad solely because of the designer. Gwyneth Paltrow and Portia de Rossi both wore Zac Posen dresses, but Portia’s inky blue gown suited her far better than Gwyneth’s peach-colored dress did.

Poor Gwynnie just seems to have some bad luck at the Oscars (remember that dress?). I feel kind of bad for her. The shape of the dress is beautiful, and I think if it had just been another color it would have really suited her. Unfortunately, this shade just did not work with her skin, hair color, or makeup.


Reese Witherspoon looked divine in the dark Nina Ricci dress she chose. It perfectly complemented her long blond hair (though the weave was looking a tad on the raggedy side – we can fix that, Reese). Dare I say that I like this look better than the yellow dress she wore to the Golden Globes?

Kate Winslet is one of my favorite actresses, and I can say that I actually do look up to her somewhat. The cut of this Valentino dress was flattered her perfectly, but I think the mint green color washed out her skin tone and made her seem a little bit too pale. Like with Gwyneth, I think the same dress in a different color would have been dazzling.


So Ryan Gosling showed up with his mother and sister...but where was Rachel McAdams? Did they break up? If so, how did I completely miss that?? They look like a cute family though.


I had to sneak Marky Mark – excuse me, Mark Wahlberg – in here, simply because I have had a crush on this man since I was like 7 years old. He looked as handsome as ever in an Armani tuxedo. Keep up the clean-shaven look, Mark. Please. On a side note, doesn’t it suck that men have pretty much no variation in what they can wear? If you deviate too much from the classic look, you just end up looking like a drunken clown picked out your outfit (I’m looking at you, David Arquette). I liked Jessica Biel’s Oscar de la Renta gown, simply for the fact that it was fuchsia. I feel like she was one of the few to wear a brightly colored dress.


It’s no secret among my friends that I really can’t stand Kirsten Dunst. She is often lauded for her fashion sense, but I just don’t see it. The Chanel Couture dress she picked for Oscar night made her look like she picked something from her grandmother’s closet. It was ill-fitting and frumpy and an awful color choice. Another disappointing choice from Dunst. Speaking of Kirsten, Marie Antoinette won for having the best costume design – *sarcasm alert* what a shock that was. I thought that the designer (I’ve forgotten her name) was absolutely adorable. She was so nervous! Then again, she did have a whole Colonel Sanders look going on. I’m willing to forgive her just this once because she was so cute. For once, thank you sweet Jesus, Maggie Gyllenhall looked good. Maybe it’s her atrocious posture, but she usually looks so damn frumpy in her clothes! She wore a magnificent blue and black dress from Proenza Schouler, who can lately do no wrong (except charge so, so, so much for their dresses after saying that fashion shouldn’t cost a lot), and it was so the right decision. Can I get a hallelujah?


Rachel seemed a little ghostly in this silver Vera Wang dress. Disregarding her albino pallor, she looks quite nice in the dress. Now if only she didn’t look like she had just emerged from a month-long retreat in a cave before walking down the red carpet.

Queen Latifah chose a dress by Carmen Marc Valvo, which is made entirely from strips of black velvet. It’s a beautifully constructed dress, but I really don’t think it flattered her figure very well. I thought it made her look a little hefty in the arms and shoulders. But hey, what can you do?


Rinko Kikuchi’s Chanel Haute Couture dress gave her a far more sophisticated look than the dress she wore to the Golden Globes (though I actually kind of liked it, minus a few of those fluffy jellyfish-like embellishments). She looked every bit the Hollywood star, and I look forward to seeing more of her.


Beyonce, Anika Noni Rose, and Jennifer Hudson sang “I Love You I Do” (and other songs) from Dreamgirls in these stunningly elegant red dresses. On the whole, I wish they had just worn these dresses instead of what they actually chose for the awards.

And I leave you with a picture of the What the Frock?? award recipient of the night, actor Doug Jones (who I've never heard of).